he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
