he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
