I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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