Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
