Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
