I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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