Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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