there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
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