history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Vodka?
Forever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize