I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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