I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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