almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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