I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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