So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
