Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize