is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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