I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
