you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
