Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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