After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
