how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
