i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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