i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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