I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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