I think im going to throw up on grandma
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
