you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
