I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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