I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
