Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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