why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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