the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
