Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
