there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
