I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
this hospital has no fireball
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
