so that wasnt chicken after all
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
