cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
