ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
