I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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