I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
