omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
