Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize