That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
