Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
