Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
