Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
if only i could text you this smell
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
