He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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