i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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