White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
