i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
