can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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