So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
