i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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