Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
