Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
