Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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