If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
