If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
