Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
