I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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