I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
