Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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