Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
