so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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