just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
