Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize