I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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