He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
