There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
