fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
