I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I need moral support for this bender
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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