this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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