He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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