best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
