Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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