i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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