she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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