Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
