bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
