Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
