Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
How external is "for external use only"?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
