i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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