Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My bed smells like the plague
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
