Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
