sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
