Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
