Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
no you cant smoke seaweed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
