We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
