i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
