As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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