don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize