I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
