he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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