i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
