Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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