I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize