he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
