I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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