Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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