i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
