so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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