i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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