His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
