stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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