We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
