so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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