I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
