it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pants are for mortals
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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