I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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